Sure, it looks nice…on the spy on iphone day you wash it. But has anyone ever really voiced the hard truth about the shitty side to long hair? Well that’s why I’m here. To talk about things that are shitty. Yes I take my job seriously and sorry dudes, or the one dude who might be reading this (probably troy), I don’t mean to ruin any long hair cheap college paper writing service chick fantasies, but there is a dark side to long hair and I am here to lay it on the table.

My long hair gripe list:

Try putting on lip gloss and walking the dog in a swift breeze. Instant stuck to lips and pulling it away leaves long red lip gloss streaks across your cheeks. Sexy. Two words: Static. Electricity. It tangles up in your sports bra if you don’t tie it up before yanking it over your head… THEN it becomes trapped in sweaty armpits apres workout. Blow drying short hair: 3 minutes. Blow drying long hair: 12 minutes plus if you’re like me curling iron time: 10-15 minutes…then you go out in that swift breeze and it’s flat and gross again…and sticking to lips. Deciding you want blond highlights on dark hair, on spy cell phone a whim to your hair dresser, is like telling them you are going to steal their first born. Hair appointments take 3 hours and cost 200 bucks. Hair products cost just about as much because you need to take care of expensive hair color. Washing your locks results in a pound of hair falling into your shower, sink and bathroom floor. Fallen long hair clogs each of the above drains…REALLY grossly. Rolling over at night sometimes results in painful trapped hair in armpits resulting in careful extrication. I’m just going to say this like ripping a phone spy app bandaid (sorry mom) – it can get in the way during sex. I’ve caught mine in a car window as I rolled it up. Fun. Pulling out a knotted elastic is, well, shitty.

The plus side to long hair:

Going three days without washing can be pulled off…wait is that a gross thing or not? Buns are easy and sometimes fashionable. For those 3 minutes the curl hasn’t been swept away in a swift breeze, you feel like you look FANTASTIC. And then it’s over.


Even though I’m griping, I will keep my long hair for the main reason that those of you who remember me with short hair will understand. You know who you are and you will BURN all pictures of me with inch long red hair…now.