This is how it goes:

First baby // Are they warm? Put on another blanket, check them 14 times an hour to see if their hands are the slightest bit cold. Wrap them in clothes/baby sleeping bag and another blanket to get from the house to the car. Hats that are all too big but get slapped on even though they can’t see anymore. Then you put their hood up. Make sure that not one inch of skin shows in the sunshine, baby enveloped in constant shade. Always brush hair even though they have none – helps scalp circulation. Well read on sleep habits, puree own food, buy organic EVERYTHING.

First baby now a toddler // Hats, mits, a coat for every type of weather – rain/snow/sun/hail, rain boots, winter boots, ten pairs of crocks, sandals and 14 sun hats. Don’t forget head to toe bathing outfits with an SPF of 50 in the fabric and 12 tubes of kiddie sunscreen in lotion and spray format. Child is aware that sun=danger, they are basically vampires. Child is so used to healthy food, they balk at the thought of McDicks.

Second baby // Wears pjs all day long, slap a blankie on them from the house to the car in -20, hats fall off so what’s the point. A little sunshine is good for them, vitamin D and all, opps not that much sun… One hand me down sunhat that they always pull off so what’s the point. No bathing suit, just go nude, in swimming diapers. Shoes aren’t even bothered with as they just kick them off until they actually are walking. No rain boots, just don’t go outside. Or go bare foot, it’s natural! Sunscreen gets sprayed from a distance as they run out the door. Eats sand in the sandbox – exclaim “Geesh that’s gonna hurt comin’ out!’ HA HA HA

First kid now a big kid // Runs around in coats & shirts that sleeves go to elbow. Pants are up to knees which you claim are stylish board shorts in jean fabric. You forgot to brush your teeth? No time – get in the car and swish with your water bottle. Never brush hair – use fingers. No rain boots, forgot to buy some when they came out in February in -20, and now they are all gone. Wear winter boots until they switch to sandals. Forgot to buy sandals so just wear sneakers with no socks. Or go bare foot, it’s natural! Little cold out, just hike on a sweater under that rain coat that is too small.

Second baby now a toddler // Good luck to you kid, you’re on your own…