Alright, so look, I think everyone who reads this blog knows I love my kids, but I don’t really LOVE kids in general. There I said it, so let’s get that out of the way. So Troy and I continue to argue over the BIRTHDAY DILEMMA. Party or no party? I have to say that 2 hours stuck in Bizzy Bees with 20 screaming kids makes my skin crawl but so what, Finn would like it right? It’s his big day after all, but here’s the statement that I can’t convince Troy on: No matter what we do, the kid will be disappointed Every holiday we’ve ever had resulted in this conversation: Me: Hey! Did you have a great time or what?! Finn: Yeah but I didn’t get the blah blah, or we didn’t have blah blah cake, or blah blah blah it was ok. Next year I want blah blah! You might ask – is Finn spoiled or less then grateful? And I would say – of corse! Aren’t all our kids? I mean the other day in a meeting, Troys co-workers felt it was child abuse that our kids didn’t each have an ipad. AN IPAD. EACH. I don’t have an IPAD. Birthdays have become so obscene in price that it’s like a car payment or 3 to ‘give your kid a good birthday’. Plus let’s not forget all the kids you have to invite from school that you have no idea who they are, and the boat load of crappy gifts that you have to cart home only to give to goodwill 2 months later. It’s retarded. So no, I don’t want to do this – can I really be faulted? Pinterest mom’s will all cumulatively say HELL YES YOU SHIT HEAD MOTHER! Plus the whole gift bag fiasco has gotten out of hand hasn’t it? Last birthday Finn attended resulted in armfuls of candy (which are still uneaten), a WHOLE BOX of gummy treats, magic sand, a mask, and I dunno what else but I’m sure this mother spent at least 30 bucks a kid on this gift bag. That’s half a box of wine, I’m just sayin’. At the end of the day when I look back on my birthdays I recall two things: 1. One birthday we went to a pool! Yes a basic indoor pool. Whoopie. 2. Playing the dress up musical toss game where you shove your mom’s old bras and goofy clothes in a garbage bag, toss it around a circle and when the music stops on you holding it, you reach in and put on your dads swim shorts. I mean comedy gold right? Yes, those are the only two things I recall from 10 years of kiddie parties, sorry mom, it’s true. A pool and garbage bag of underwear. So you may ask what I have planned instead. I have planned an experience – yahoo me! Troy takes the day off work, pancakes and ice cream for breakfast, packing the kids up and heading to the city aquarium for the morning, ravaging the shark gift shop, eating more ice cream for lunch and seeing some friends for a sleepover who have kids and whom

Finn ADORES. I’ll pack a dino cake and order pizza and I guarantee in 5 years he will recall going to see the fish and playing the garbage bag game that will be most interesting with the vast range of tickle truck of costumes we own. And if he doesn’t then who cares, it’s a birthday, not a re-mortgage your house, make custom straws and paper mache lanterns that you can take pictures of in instagram to make you look cooler then you actually are. Now, don’t get me wrong I adore the parents who do the parties for the kids cause I get to drop mine off for 3 hours and head to lunch with Troy so thank you!!! But I just can’t do it myself, I hope you understand and will continue to invite my ungrateful kids. Today Wren is 3, and yes I went out and got a few things for a princess party for tomorrow night, but it will end up being a neighbor kitchen party in which wren will dress up, wear butterfly wings and dance to frozen with the only kid she likes, and we will eat cinderella cookies and I will wear a tutu dress. That’s all and that’s ok. She won’t recall a thing in a week anyways. A snap of baby Wren, before everyone was terrified of her… Wren