I’ve been thinking on this one for a bit and it’s somewhat of a guide for what you could say to intentionally make them mad, or something that perhaps you want to steer clear of in case you are about to ask them if you can take a trip somewhere with your girlfriends and you need him to take the kids all weekend :) So here goes…
THINGS YOU SAY THAT MAKE YOUR HUSBAND WANT TO KILL YOU:
“No I will not tell you where the dish towels are, you should know this after 6 years.”
“You want a medal?” (said after partner proudly tells you that they did one load of laundry every few months but who neglected to put wet laundry in dryer or fold or put clothes away)
“Figure it out.” (said after #1 but also in response to anything they might ask you that they should already know, for eg) what should I feed the kids, or where are my pants?)
“Here is your list for the weekend…”
After they start doing the weekend tasks say things like “Why’d you do it that way?” or “I don’t think it’s supposed to look like that”.
“Ohhhh you’re soooo smmmmaaarrrrttttt” (insert sarcasm) (said after they try to explain some sort of techie garbage or basic common knowledge (to them) like – ‘just restart the router!’, or ‘you’re seriously asking me if the earth circles the sun or the other way around?!’)
“Ohhhh you’re soooo coooooolllllll” (insert lots of sarcasm) (said after they proudly show you something they’ve done and seem to require praise for, for eg) buying a fucking shirt, tweeting something dumb, or retelling a ‘funny’ story about colleagues that is neither funny nor cool)
“Sorry you can’t watch the game, Vampire Diaries is on.”
As soon as they go into the bathroom start asking any question you can think of through the door. Questions about things you need them to do around the house is especially effective.
When they are watching a show they really like, start making fun of every detail. Favourites include: “now THAT was a dumb thing to do”, “this is so not believable”, “C’mon, really? That would never happen”, or “wow that guy is like super hot, like SUPER hot”.
“Thanks for doing (insert a chore that they didn’t do but that needed getting done)!”
Comment on their food intake, for eg) “You’re eating that much pasta?”, or “You’re having another slice of pizza?”
“Let’s go to Ikea today!”
“Why is it taking so long to assemble that Ikea stuff?”
“We don’t have any more beer.”
So after this post I’m pretty sure my husband WILL want to kill me, but honey, you’re my muse! Oh and thanks for watching the kids all weekend while I head to Montreal with my friends! Kisses! xoxoxo