Alright so upon meeting Wren’s new teacher the other week she explained the discipline system to us which consists of the green to red light idea. Simple enough, all kids are on green light in the morning, and as the day progresses, if they piss around and be jerks, they get a yellow, then a red, then some time in the ‘thinking chair’. I listened to her explain everything silently panicking with a heat sweat. I had never heard of this before in Finn’s class, but that isn’t odd. I’ll admit Finn is a kiss ass and never would dare yell at a teacher or lose his cool. He saves that for me, and for that I am grateful.
I recall entering Finn’s first parent/teacher interview with utmost confidence and wasn’t at all surprised with the result. Finn is great, says the teachers, no issues, we have nothing to say but good things, we love Finn! Great. As Troy and I exited the room, we high-fived our parenting prowess and joked over the idea of Wren’s first interview, how this is NOT what would be said about her. We immediately went for a glass of wine knowing deep down, this was it for us. Our high point. Our good work paid off. Yay us!
Now let me preface that we adore Wren. She is funny, and quirky, and when she is happy, my GOD she is awesome. But she can be uh … spirited? Stubborn? Opinionated? Pig headed? All of the above, which can be great for the future, for high school, for adult hood. A strong and passionate personality over a weak minded follower, yeah I’ll take that, but how does it relate to now?
Apparently not so great.
I only know the story from the teacher note, and Wren isn’t the best story teller, so I ‘think’ she had a fit over her new slouchy boots (as one does), and perhaps threw them at the teachers head? Maybe? Not really sure, but it sounds about right. Someone telling Wren to change into her sneakers over boots isn’t really something she would be amicable to. But I digress. She got up to the red light and time in the thinking chair. It was her 4th day of school ever. FOURTH day.
So this then sparks something evil in Finn as he verbally shits all over us with all the bad things Wren does on the bus. How the driver had to stop the bus because she wouldn’t sit down. How she doesn’t listen to the driver, or anyone else and I think, poor Finn is going to have an ulcer by the third grade if he has to deal with this every day. Finn rarely mentions a thing about anything. King of the one word response. How was school? Good. Do you have homework? Nope. Do you like your teacher? Yup. How was lunch? Ok. Can you tell me ANYTHING AT ALL? Nope. All good mum. Chill.
I’ll admit I was surprised by his sudden dialogue regarding Wren but very excited that he is speaking to us now. Anyhoo, trying to talk to Wren after this was moot. She tantrumed, ran away, wouldn’t answer my questions, and I think to myself, oh shit the teacher is going to hate my child. I never worry with Finn, he’s polite and wants everyone to love him so he sucks up like a champ. Wren doesn’t give two shits about anyone, or anything, so down with rules and school and conformity! What is going to happen when they take her to church?! Oh god the stress builds.
I’m not sure what to do at this point. Keep trying to make her understand respect for teachers? Push her to do nice things, I dunno but if I have to utter ‘SHARING IS CARING’ one more fucking time, I might lose my shit. Which brought me to my thoughts today and I can’t believe I will admit this, but ugh, I realized that it’s ALL MY FAULT.
Wren is exactly like me. Yes Troy you are right, I’m admitting this outloud.
She’s stubborn, easily annoyed, doesn’t really like people all that much, she refuses to give an inch on ANYTHING. Holy shit, this is mini me and I have royally screwed up my kid. Sorry teacher. I want to take full responsibility for this situation, apologize for what happened, ensure that it will never happen again.
But here’s the thing. We actually can’t do any of that.
As parents, we push little Jimmy into the world and see his behaviour as a reflection of us which we stress about and worry over. Is Jimmy an asshole? Well, obviously the parents are too. I’m sure every one of us has thought this at some point in our lives. Do people think I’m a dick because Wren throws a hissy over shoe rules? Perhaps, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about that. Opinions will be formed regardless, and I can’t control her no matter how much I want to.
I can only try again. And I will. Lord knows if it will work, but I can’t hover. I can’t sit home and freak out that she is being a turd. I can’t do any of that, because it makes a lick of difference. I will persevere, go forth and attempt to push her to be better. And if that fails then I will stand beside Finn at all school functions, grasping at him so that the teachers can see that I didn’t screw up one of my kids. I am not the asshole you think I am … really! Well I kind of am, but whatever. Who gives a fuck really.
I imagine this will come home some day from Wren.