So this is coming at a furious pace as I came up with this thought with a round brush in my hair dangling precariously as I kept running out the bathroom mid-blow dry to write down my thoughts. It started with a note to my sis to challenge her to do something just for her today – something to make her smile, laugh, anything at all – even kick a neighbors yappy dog if that’s what did the trick.
I don’t judge…much :) But then I thought perhaps you 17 followers on my blog might be interested in this, to a small degree, so here I am. I typically write blather about my annoyances but today I’m switching it up for some self love and I’ll tell you why. Bare with me on the vague details as it isn’t my place to come out and talk about the full issues, but last week a heaping load of more familial health scares descended into my life and I needed to figure out how to deal. I had a girls weekend booked and so I still went…but with very heavy feet. I mean who am I to go out and try to party with my friends when I should be doing A or I should be visiting B, or I should just be sitting at home upset or pushing myself into personal dissection on how to be a better person and deal with C? But I went. I had a gigantic panic attack on a hike, I cried, I hugged my friends, I vented, I lip synced (super helpful), I became angry, I became anti-God, and I finally admitted my self doubt and cause of all this crap – the fact of whether, or not, I can do this? Deal with this? The massive guilt I felt for having fun when I should be serious and acting like a grown up. One statement kept coming to me, and this was a statement that came after a number of cocktail hours and from my great friend Cath who becomes some sort of psychological genius after 2AM, or perhaps that was the cocktails talking but I digress, it rang true at the moment and kept ringing shrill-ly through my head at the end of the weekend. I needed this for me. Even though none of this is about me, I needed to find a way to help myself first. It wasn’t selfish, it was something I needed to do to build me up in order to help the ones who will need it way more then me. So throughout the weekend, as one does on girls weekends, we laughed until we cried, and we shared. We shared work problems, self doubts, body image rants, crappy stories and it made me realize that now, more then ever, we all need to give ourselves a break. We need to sit back and remove the unending guilt for 4 seconds and do one thing for ourselves every day. Remove the guilt for not being the ‘best’ mom (which is stupid to begin with) and serving grilled cheese for dinner AGAIN, guilt for forgetting to walk the dog (yet again), guilt for letting work emails slack, guilt for not working out, guilt for yelling at a spouse when you just had enough, guilt for not making your bed today because you just wanted 5 more minutes in a coma before you could face the day, guilt for a messy house, and the guilt for not being the perfect daughter. I’m not sure why we feel so guilty all the time, but I realize, I’m not the only one. So today I thought, yes I will do ONE thing for myself. ONE thing in which I will take a selfie and attempt to alleviate the guilt for not being current and on trend with twitter and writing in my blog every day :) So here I am, basking in my 10 minutes of #me-selfie time…a coffee in which I didn’t get up ONCE to give a kid something or do anything. I sat there and drank it until it was done (and it was still warm!) and read a couple chapters of my book – it was small but great. We can’t be everything to everyone, it’ll never happen, so perhaps strive to be a teeny bit better to yourself first…now YOU can throw up Kristin Gunby :)