Carbon Dating with Face Cream

Bizarro title I’m aware, but it’s what popped into my crazy brain this morning as I surveyed all my lotions and potions I ‘need’ each day to survive. Let’s go through the timeline shall we?

16 YEAR OLD//

Probably bar soap is used on your face, if you wash it at all. A lovely Dove, or Irish Spring to strip every ounce of moisture from your flesh. You used it on your face, arms, legs – everywhere. Face cream? Probably hand lotion, or whatever your mom had beside the sink, that is if you use any at all. Your face is so YOUNG and lovely, who needs cream anyways? Cost: $0

21 YEAR OLD//

You’re older, more mature, but you still need bar money, so budgetary restrains force you into the age of Noxzema. I don’t even know if they make this anymore, and when you used it, it felt like your face was going to burn off, but sort of in a good way. You felt clean and revived, hangover be gone! But you probably still used body lotion on your face, and it’s probably bought in a ten gallon pump bottle for 5 bucks. Cost: $5-10

Noxzema old school // freshlyhatched.ca

27 YEAR OLD//

This is where the lines start to shift. You start to get rashes, teenage breakouts return, some parts of your face are dry like the sahara, others are slick with oil. You are like WTF face?! Just choose a side!

You might even start to notice the odd crease, perhaps a little sagging, but no, it can’t be, you’re still so young! This is when you stand in the drug store, surveying the rows of lotions and you think to yourself, I’m going to have to pay what for that?! A day cream, a night cream, a toner, sunscreen, face cleanser…the regime begins. But then you get invited to a Mary Kay party and you buy the kit and you are kosher. Until the kit runs out and you start substituting items that are super cheap and crappy, but you still feel like you are taking control of the situation so it’s ok. Cost: $50+

38 YEAR OLD//

You might as well just have a shelf in the bathroom dedicated for ‘lotions’, and they should all be lined up in a row for ease of distribution. You begin with a foot cream because you appear to have walked through fire the night before with the amount of cracking you see. Next comes legs, but for me it has to be a cream from fucking Paris because every other lotion in this universe makes my eczema blaze up in fury and I’d prefer not to itch the flesh off of them.

Next comes upper body lotion which must smell like coconut because it’s -20 out here today and I need to be reminded of the beach and summer before I go postal on everyone. Next comes the ‘DAY’ face cream, not to be confused with the ‘NIGHT’ face cream, because apparently a lot can go wrong in the dark, and you need a special concoction for those occasions.

Oh and the ‘DAY’ cream must contain at least 30 SPF in it which makes it cost about as much as adopting a small child from China.

But we don’t stop there, nope, we have to attack the dark circles and age spots that have suddenly appeared on every part of your body that people actually see. Never on your arm pit, nope, it’s right in the middle of your face. It’s so amazing that it causes your dad to coin the awesome nickname of ‘Africa’ for you, seeing as the sun spot is exactly the same shape AND fills your entire forehead. Thanks dad. So now I apply the skin lightening cream, which is only sold in the area of Shoppers that you have to flip the flap to reveal the amazing cost lest we all run screaming from the aisle if they were to just label it clearly. Luckily for me it’s located right next to my leg AND face cream so now I can kill two birds with one stone.

So I’d like to say I’m done at this point, but it’s not even summer. If it were, there would be layers of sunscreen, more expensive brands of foot cream, more, more and more crap. So as I pull open Troy’s drawer to reveal a tube of toothpaste (sometimes) and a toothbrush (Cost $10), I am left looking at my pile of jars that might cost as much as my first car. I now dream of the Noxzema days and wonder what it will be like for me in 10 years. Sorry Troy, we have to sell the house in order to combat my wrinkles – I’m sure you understand!

NEXT POST: I talk openly about the stupid amounts of money I spend on lip balm. You can find a half used tube of various brands in basically every nook, every cranny, all my purses, and each drawer in my house. Parish the thought that I spend ONE SECOND with dry lips. Awesome.

‘keep’ just another pinterest?

I think we’ve all been guilty of pinning a bunch of crap we aren’t going to do, buy, wear, or even look at again. So why is this so mesmerizing for us? Is it the modern day to-do list? Is it a way to generate ideas on how to make yourself appear more organized, more pretty, more ‘current’ then you really are? Who knows, I still love it!

So I came across a new site called Keep, that is pretty much Pinterest for e-commerce/things to buy. It was probably created by them too, but seems a little cleaner and more lovely – especially your hexagon avatar, and the handwritten font used for your name. After figuring out the process (sorta easy to do) and trying to choose an picture of me in which I am not holding a beer, I started to ‘KEEP’. I’m not sure how long I will use this site, but so far I really like it and it might be a good way to organize my to-do lists – ‘Pinterest’ for home made fire pits, ‘Keep’ for buttery leather totes! Yes please :)

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ixxi love

Surprise surprise today I am not complaining about something. I know many are saddened, but I have to share this awesome thing I found and that I am so doing…I just have to find a ‘where’.

I’m not really the type of person to have a whole bunch of family pictures on a wall, I tried to do it in my bedroom and stopped after three pics cause I thought it was looking too suburban. I have exactly two pictures of Wren in my house which is sort of sad, one in a wee moose shaped frame, the other, a blown up instagram in a 10×10 poster size. There she sits beside me in my office below the sole picture of Finn in a 10×10 instagram format as well. I can’t help it, I am very picky when it comes to photos.

I’ve always loved the idea of taking an awesome photo, not a posed crappy shot, but a really cool image and placing it on a big stretched canvas. Like the one of Clifford with nerd glasses on or him wrapped in a turban photoshopped into a middle eastern market – one of my favs. Something interesting, funny – Hogan syle art if you will. Apparently Clifford the dog is my best subject, sorry kids.

So here was my conundrum, how do I achieve that in an interesting arty way? Well today I have found a solution. ixxi design!

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You can impose your own photo, use one of their designs, use a whole bunch of images to make a collage, or use one image in a blown up pixellated treatment that makes a picture of a freakin’ lamb look cool.

The images are clicked together with these little XX’s hence the relevant logo and a strip of sticky tape and voila, modern art that looks amazing!

Watch the video and get your creative juices flowing!

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Heavenly Hanna’s Room

In a word, this site is breathtaking. The images brought together form such a happy feeling in me that I can sift through for hours. In the ‘bloggar’ section you can click on any topic and be wowed by the imagery presented. I personally love the Hanna’s Room section with the print/interior/fashion/food images rolled into one :)

This hotspot is a style consulting firm that I would love to meet. I assume they are located in Sweden what with the Swedish text :), but I seriously didn’t notice and I didn’t care.

It inspired me and will forever be on my blog love list!

Hanna's Room

Waaay more upbeat… Hair Talk!

So this week I went to see Lisa at the cutting edge, the a-dot go to girl for great hair. I love whatever she does and I really don’t stress out my hair too much seeing as I went in thinking I wanted the ends to be pink (which she nicely told me I was too old for), and then she spoke about a cutting class she took where they taught her a cut in which you shave a part of your head and I am like – hmmm, let’s do it! But she vetoed me again, which I am grateful for…sorta.

We decided on red which she suggested but I was secretly super pumped about for the geekiest of reasons. I won’t divulge that reason because then I look like a strange super fan of something which I won’t admit :) Ok ok, the main character in my fav book, which is coming to the movies in August, is going to be played by Lily Collins and I think she’s the freakin’ prettiest so there I said it – I wanted to be red like her. Nerd.

Ok but my main point of this was that some people get all excited about their hair, like OMG I put in three highlights – it’s sooooo different – amazing – why is nobody noticing? Maybe they hate it? Maybe they think it’s ugly? Maybe I should never try it again! Seriously you have to know that everyone is so involved in their own personal drama that they don’t give a rats ass about your hair. They are looking at you thinking about their own issues and wouldn’t notice if you DID shave your head partially…well, maybe THAT.

When I came home I checked myself out in the mirror a few times, my mom said she liked me blonde better but that this was pretty, Troy said his typical – ‘OHHHH sleeping with a NEW woman tonight’ & ‘I love those redheads’ in a southern drawl a la dazed and confused, and my Dad said something about the baseball game he was watching and the topic was passed.

When my neighbour saw me the next day and was like – hey you’re red! I was thinking what are you talking about? It had been less then 24 hours and I forgot that I even did it. So in a tribute to my new hair, I will actually acknowledge that I am now a different color for those who sorta care a little bit and pay hommage to all the ladies who can rock the red hair way better then I can.

red-heads