So this happened.
You may or may not have known but here’s the deal. The reasons behind it are plenty. The reasons I’m trying to stick to it are MANY. But I won’t bore you with the boring. I’m going to talk about the ‘what the hell was that like?’. I don’t know many people who don’t partake of the weekly imbibe or 14, myself included (x 20). So my fears were great on what the hell would this be like. Being sober at a party? At a cottage weekend? On a Wednesday, I mean, who does this? More accurately, who in my circle of friends would ever do this and how would I explain my reasons without sounding like a Debbie Downer? But again, I’m going to focus the blog on the ‘how the shit did you do it and what the fuck happened?’
So first off, wow, the clarity. Man I needed some and boy did I get it. Many things were suffering from my drinking, my relationship (HUGELY), my kids (YUP), my work (DEFINITELY)… So yes all the obvious things. But less obvious was the creativity, the snuffed humour, the ability to get anything done at all, and also my tolerance for annoying things.
Starting with creativity, wow, what a difference. I found myself drawing again, I started to knit (I know right!), I was invested in my holiday decorating (and trying to be festive – which is still a work in progress), and I rocked a huge DIY for my friends’ wonder woman party. I had ideas, I had inspiration but mostly I had drive. I wasn’t hungover all the time and I actually remembered why I used to draw. Why I used to paint. I felt massive guilt recalling my art professor who told me to never give it up, and I completely did.
My constant amazing drunken stupor was hilarious in the moment, but the post day hangover made me angry and miserable. Suddenly I craved laughter. It had been so long since I felt creatively funny, if that makes sense. Instead of hiding in my room at night reading, I couldn’t wait until Troy came home and we could take the piss together. The jokes came 10 fold and our relationship was so much fun again.
Next was the dreaded to-do list. I found myself proactively doing things without moaning and bellyaching about it. I actually left the house to run errands. I even spoke to a few people! Even though that part I still loathe…
I was pumped to do shit. Let’s paint something! Let’s finally clean our closets! Let’s finish Stranger Things! I was on fire.
Ok so that all being said there are CONS. Big ones. BIG ONES.
I was obsessively worried about how I would interact with people at a gathering and I won’t lie, it sort of sucks. Ok it doesn’t fully suck, but it’s still really hard. GOD I missed the drunken kitchen dance party last weekend at the cottage. Grooving with Marie at her anniversary bash sloshing my vodka everywhere but knowing without out a doubt that I am an amazing dancer (this might end up being a positive…). I also thought (truthfully) that if I stay sober, for sure I’ll be booted from my ball team. I realize now they need me for the graphic design skills, so at least I have that in :)
But the positivity over it, has been really awesome. I guess having a DD is good, and someone to get up with the kids, or not having to deal with my crippling anxiety when I’m hungover is a grand thing too. Ok but fuck that, I have more negatives.
I miss the hilarity that alcohol infuses with ALL conversations. I can’t lie, I shed a couple of tears when I went to bed last weekend, hearing the loud sing-alongs to 80’s hair bands occurring in the kitchen cottage. The fun we have is great and alcohol intensifies that immensely. Drunken camaraderie is the best. I missed it so much.
But regardless, I remained in the moment and instead listened a little more, paid attention to other people’s stories and fuck yeah I KICKED ASS at cards against humanity.
Oh and the remembering – YES THE REMEMBERING! I woke up with perfect recall of the night before. It was great! What was better was the second time I heard all the conversations Saturday morning that I heard in length about Friday night.
But back to the CONS. Cooking and not having red wine SUCKS ASS.
Afternoon drinks, I realize, is my favourite time to partake and that sucked too. No beers around the campfire, no champagne cocktails on Sunday afternoon, no RED WINE. Yes it sort of BLOWS.
I also thought that I would be rich when I wasn’t spending like hundreds (I won’t give an actual amount, you might barf) a month on booze, but instead Christmas is happening and I’m buying way more gifts then normal and tucking in a few Kelly items too cause WTF, I’m not drinking, I need new stuff to compensate for my loss.
Also, recall all those convo’s you’ve had while blitzed about going sober with your friends: ‘IMAGINE IF WE QUIT BOOZE HOW SKINNY WE WOULD BE? SHIT YEAH!’
I’ll let you in on the truth. It’s is a LIE. I haven’t lost a pound, NOT ONE. So all of you out there who think it’s easy weight loss, just have another drink and fuck it.
So this all being said, a month is over. I haven’t probably gone a month without booze in like, I don’t know, since I was 18? Or pregnant, and that was misery. So I’m not sure what will happen going forward. I can’t fathom a booze free holiday, or even a booze free weekend (I love Fridays and want to desperately have wine with Nicole tomorrow, but that being said, this month was great. This month was awful. This month was eye opening. But mostly, this month was needed.
Happy Happy Hour!