So I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic for a bit as someone I know is having real difficulties dealing with their kid being a jerk even though let’s face it, they can ALL be jerks. But it really is so so

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hard to go day to day with these worries hanging over your head, thinking yours is perhaps the jerkiest and everyone else’s kid is shitting gold bricks. Let me assure you, this is never the case. …Unless you are one of those mothers who think babies are gods little packages from heaven who can do no wrong, who perform all the insanely hard things on pinterest with perfect ease and dote on little Jimmy’s every need, and do everything for their angel with a smile and no complaints and butterflies always fly out of their ass landing on their kids perfectly outstretched finger while they giggle adorably, wearing clean and matching clothes and then recite all the countries alphabetically and then go to sleep for 13 hours a night. One that has never put their kid to bed early just because they just can’t stand to look at them for one more second, or one that has never had to deal with a baby and a gut wrenching hangover at 5:30 AM. No this post won’t interest you. I’ve spoken about this before, but when Finn was born, I miraculously found this group of chicks that totally clicked with me and was going through all the same crap (literally) that I was. We would meet every few days, just sitting in someone’s living room, reliving the god awful night before, crying our eyes out from lack of sleep and sanity, or bitch slapping husbands who really weren’t cutting the mustard (not that it truly was ALL their fault, I mean hormones and crazy new mothers is pretty much the WORST FUCKING COMBINATION). Anyhoo, the thing that helped me survive was that we knew we weren’t alone and that everyone is having just as CRAPPY a time as I was. This remains true as my kids grow up and become somewhat jerkier and you find yourself standing in the middle of a Dancing Toes class while your daughter pulls your hand, flails on the ground in a screaming hissy fit because she would rather DIE then swing around a streamer ribbon even though you paid a hundred bucks for them to enjoy the stupid fucking class. Or how about when you sign up your son for lacrosse and they lay in the middle of athe sidewalk outside the arena screaming they HATE you and they HATE LACROSSE instead of going inside and playing with their friends for 45 minutes because you thought you were so smart asking their parents to sign up their kids who won’t do it either, cumulatively wasting 500 bucks. Or how about when you ask your kid whether they would like whipped cream on their strawberries for a special treat, and they run from the table yelling they HATE strawberries. I think you get the point. I’m not saying my kids are always jerks, I do love them, but it’s important to realize that it is pretty much a given that each one of us parents has sat there and endured their ‘little angel’ telling you they HATE YOU FOREVER when you told them that no, you really can’t eat chocolate for dinner. A kid that has made you rethink parenthood as they flail on the floor at Sobeys because you asked them to walk beside you to get the four things on your list but that is just TOO MUCH WALKING for a kid who has spent 55 minutes at the park running non stop while you sat on the bench in misery listening to some other mother talk about little Jimmy and how awesome he is. So here I am laying my life of shit storms out for you to read and hopefully realize that ALL kids can be jerks, but we are all going through the motions together, some days are better then others, but take solace in the fact that my kids are probably worse then yours and really, isn’t what this is all really about? :)