So I realize it’s been EONNNNNS since I posted, and as i sit down today I thought to myself, can I write about anything? Anything at all? I don’t have anything to complain about, nothing I’m obsessing over, I’m 12 books behind my year long 150 books challenge, nothing much happening, but then again, it’s the every day that is more interesting then something profound right? Well, maybe, or maybe not. I’m trying to think about what we’ve been up to and to be truthful it’s been a really tough spring. So I haven’t felt much like bitching (which, let’s be honest, it’s my forte), and therefore I’ve left you with radio silence. My apologizes to my 14 followers :)

You see, wonderful friends of ours lost their 21 year old daughter in June from a car accident.

I’ll let that sink in. It took me a full 24 hours to believe it actually happened. That moment when you wish you could rewind time and un-hear it.  Then once you GET it, you jump to your toes and think Oh God, what can I do? What can I bake. What can I offer to a family that is so close and reeling from their profound loss? Making meatloaf is fucking stupid. What can I do?!

Jess was a good good girl, going to work, graduating university in a few days and poof, she was gone. This isn’t something I’ve dealt with before, I mean, I’ve had tragic life events happen to me, namely my aunt and cousin dying in a fire many many years ago, but I was just too young to really understand it. I was in my early 20’s, I had no kids, no real responsibilities, and I’m not saying that I didn’t have grief, but I know that if this happened today, I would have handled it vastly different.

The thing that struck me immediately was my kids. Oh God, losing a kid? How do you deal with that? How to get up in the morning? Just HOW? I recall the week of Jess’s death in a blur. We basically sat around the whole week, gathering with friends, eternally grateful that we have both our kids safe and alive. I’ve never hugged them as much as I did that week. Even now, after a month, I know that something in me has shifted. Not that you’d notice on the outside, but definitely on the inside.

When I look at the beasts now (yes they are still and forever more will be my beasts – it’s a term of affection, c’mon people), I see them with a fresh pair of eyes. I see all the things we all take for granted every. Single Day. And I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t think I can do it anymore.

Daily stress is something we all have and yes you have to worry about your job and money and all the things you have to get done in a day, but take a moment and think about what’s really important. What you can omit from your life, what can make you happier, what you can stop worrying about because in the end, it isn’t what REALLY matters.

I don’t want to worry about dumb things anymore. I don’t want to put my work ahead of my family. I don’t ever want to go to public pool. EVER. But I will do it for them.

So today when you see your kids, or someone you love, or hell, someone you even sort of like, be kind to them, give them a big squeeze, give them a meatloaf and be grateful for today.

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So this was Finn on our road trip last weekend right before Wren puked all over her sandwich out of spite because it had cheese on it. I kid you not.

FullSizeRender I found this on my phone this morning. I now understand why they were giggling so much while I was in the shower. Mommys’ bra is hilarious!