So I’ve wanted to do this post for a bit now but life keeps throwing me into the pit of sick and I can’t seem to stay awake past 7pm. Feeling better today and I am on fire with my posts! Joking. But I keep thinking about this subject for a few reasons:

1. Every time I hear True Colors on my ipod, I get pissed off (not at the song, but at crappy kids who are evil)

2. My 20 year high school reunion is this year and naturally I’m reflecting on how much I hated it

3. I’m reading an amazingly funny book that my wonderful clients (but really friends) gave me for Christmas called ‘Let’s pretend this never happened‘ which delves into the mostly true life story of The Bloggess – Jenny Lawson. She rants and raves and makes me giggle in hysterics about her high school horrors which I can completely relate to the crappy crapness, although mine didn’t involve sticking my arm in a cow’s vagina… yes you must read this book.

Ok that’s enough reasons but anyways, I don’t want to bore you and get to my point sooner rather then later as lunchtime is fast approaching and then I am outta here. Yes, my point. My point is that when you are young, everything is amplified. Whether it’s hormones, lack of life experiences, the strain on your brain by wearing your hair in that high bun that is super cool but only teenagers seem to pull off. Who knows. All I know is that when you are in it, and it sucks, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. There is no future to speak of. You can’t think past lunchtime cause you are there and it seems there really is no way out. Nothing is EVER going to get better. Adults peer down on you with ‘the look’. Saying don’t worry, be happy! Enjoy this time – it is the best time of your life! Well it wasn’t. For me anyways.

So this is where all the popular people who were in sports and had good hair will stop reading because they are like – I LOVED HIGH SCHOOL! These are all crazy people who are probably still working at the movie theatre and the Petro Can. Ok that was harsh but they don’t get, and will never get, the depth of crapness that myself and I know MANY others felt when they stepped into those double doors five days a week. The insecurity. The fear of being asked to speak in class and your voice just betraying you like a jerk. The panic you felt when you were standing in gym class and either you were picked last or you could hear the popular kids making fun of you loud and proud. I mean it’s no wonder I fell into the crowd who drank mickeys of Lemon Gin on the weekend – it was the only time I ever felt comfortable.

Now this is NOT a post to condone teen drinking, it is quite the opposite. My point is that I couldn’t deal with things, I felt alone and completely misunderstood. I was a far cry from where I am today and posting my heart and sarcasm on these blogs for all the 14 people who subscribe to enjoy :) My point is to show you what would have happened if I would have taken the path that I almost took. I’m not trying to convince you that it’s all gonna be peaches, it might not be, but if you give up you lose. Period.

A lot of people may not know this about me but I can recall the exact moment that I almost ended my life. I was 17, and I stood in the shower for about an hour crying my heart out because some jerk dumped me. I held that razor to my wrists for probably 20 minutes, waiting to muster the courage to end it. I was done. I was over. I did not want to move ahead. I wanted the pain to be gone. I remember the smell of the shampoo that I used that day. I remember that the razor was blue. I remember at some point my Dad knocked on the bathroom door as I was in there so long. It is a memory I haven’t shared with more then a handful of people. I don’t even know who that person is anymore, but I remember the sadness.

These last few weeks, as I was mulling through whether to write about this, what made me do it was to think about what life would have been like without me. At the time you are so into your high school dramas, you don’t care what you would be doing to your family, your friends, your future. If I would have done it, I think of the cascade effect of that choice:

I would never have moved to the big city, had the time of my life, met my non-related family (my friends) who make me laugh, have mid night dance parties with me, and dress up like an idiots constantly :)

I would never have married Troy (who by the way was the jerk that dumped me – I know, is that irony? I can never get the definition right) What would have happened to him? Well who cares really (har har Troy), what matters is that I have been in love with him since the moment I saw him in the library with his Bill Cosby sweater and I remember telling my friends I was going to marry him one day. And I did – score for me!

I would never have started my own business, been showcased in 8 magazines with my card line, met all of the amazing clients I have now, working from home and having a pretty sweet life… happy hour can be anytime for me! (again I am not promoting drinking) or my best accomplishments yet – written a book and finding my voice in my blogs.

I would never have owned Clifford – the best, most goofy and unhealthiest dog ever (my vet is glad I lived for sure).

Finn and Wren wouldn’t exist. Period. That is the most jarring statement I have on this list. It actually takes my breath away thinking of them never having the chance to hit me, or yell at me again. I jest, but it’s true. They wouldn’t be alive if I hadn’t threw that razor down, picked myself up and gotten my shit together.

The bottom line is this. Kids are cruel, evil and will push you to the brink of insanity. Your job is to sit back, smile at them, secretly perform some voodoo where they become obsessively itchy in their nether regions, and know that one day you will be a phenomenal success, have lots of money, travel the world, live THE BEST LIFE EVER, and they will be stuck at the theatre and gas station. Karma wins!