I am still alive…most days!

Well long time no write my friends! I have taken a hiatus from the blog but as the summer is fast dwindling I am starting to think about the direction I will take in September when Finn is in school full time and Wren goes to day care a few days a week. What on earth will I do with myself I don’t know. Oh wait, I DO know…

I will drink HOT coffee, not luke warm, not reheated 20x, HOT coffee! I will be able to take a pee on my own without trying to fend off Wren who seems to adore licking the toilet…yup, you heard me. I will finally finish editing my book and make a conscious effort to find an agent. I will take a writing course FINALLY as my passions are expanding and I find myself obsessed with it. I will pour my soul once again into my existing Freshly Hatched design business and rebuild what I have had to painfully let go during these last few child rearing years.

Hmmm, have I made a good plan? I think so, but first I am going to go re-heat my coffee.

Superwoman Schmu-perwoman

As I sit her at 8:15 I think to myself – wow I have been up for 4 hours already – I am awesome, I am working, watched last nights Vampire Diaries, cleaned up, ate breakie…I am on top of everything and then in a little bit I am going to go for a run, find the lost bootie from yesterdays walk, take my visiting sis in law shopping, cook a great dinner, entertain and be a super host all while taking care of my 5 month old baby…hear me roar!

Ok so before you hate me for that statement, I’ll quickly point out that it’s a complete sham. Wren was up at 4am and wouldn’t settle until after 7 whereby I had a large coffee already and was so jittery I couldn’t sleep. Plus I am so behind on work that it sends me into a tizzie so I thought I had better get going on that, all while thinking, I am SO not tired, I can do this. Oprah can do this and I can totally function on high speed no problem. Or is there? Why then do I keep having these moments of panic, desperation, and the volatility to break down into tears one second while laughing the other? I think the answer lies in the statement really. Why do we feel it is a good thing to be able to ‘do it all’ and still have perfectly manicured nails? Do men feel this way? Is it a good mother/bad mother thing? Whatever the reason, I am well aware that it is slowly going to push me into the ditch.

Sometimes I even feel physically nauseous but I persevere so that I can go to bed at midnight with a clean house and all my ducks in a row for the next day. Don’t get me wrong, I have become a lot more lax in my house duties lately, but when I mentioned it to my husband, he was like – ya I noticed but whatever, sit down, relax and enjoy a show with me! Does it ever occur to them to get up and do a freaking load of laundry? uh uh. I can’t complain too much as Troy is a great Dad and takes the kids all the time, but sometimes I wish I would come home with ‘everything done’.

Now, as I sit here I ponder what ‘everything done’ actually means and I realize I don’t think it’s remotely possible without a cleaning lady, nanny, assistant and chef. So can we BE it all, DO it all and still function on 4 hours of sleep a night? I really don’t know. I know that very soon I am going to burn out, have a crying fit, get reassurance from Troy that I am ,in fact, awesome, down a bottle of wine and laugh about what a nut job I’ve become all while vowing that life is too short to worry about this stuff. But the problem is that I will wake up the next day with a mile long to-do list (a wee hangover) and realize I still need to strive for greatness. I will have given myself a break for one night and then pile on the expectations the very next day. Crazy you ask? Perhaps…but I don’t think I am alone in this thinking now am I ladies?

God speed to you and pass me that pinot :)


Apples aplenty = less coolness perhaps?

My conundrum this week – which cell phone to get? I have been flip flopping on iphone/blackberry/android…hmmm so many choices. The funny thing is that I never thought I would even consider anything but a mac product…being an avid apple junkie since the first ipod that we bought on ebay and was the size of about 10 current ipods put together. I still have it as I want to show Finn the progression of technology and how old I really am :)

I have numerous ipods, an apple TV, a mac desktop and have been in love with this product for years, so why my hesitation to just get an iphone? This might sound obnoxious, but I think it’s because too many people have them these days. I loved the macs of yesteryear when they were a bit of a novelty. Designers have always used them for the obvious work-y reasons, but not everyone had one and they were deemed a more unique technology that you had to splurge for. Today you’d be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t have an apple product, and frankly it has made the novelty wear off for me. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the company, the brand is phenomenal, and I wouldn’t trade my desktop for anything…but seeing this product being used by EVERYONE has made me cynical.

Plus I think I’m still miffed at Steve for nixing the use of flash on his mobile devices which has put a crink in my flash designing future, but I digress. People who have them, love them, but I’m still not convinced to follow the herd. Maybe I’ll just get a beeper with a belt clip…super awesome :)

Busy Brain is killing me

The question I ask today is what is so wrong with my internal clock that I can’t seem to relax and sleep when I’m supposed to? Why do I get up every hour, look at the clock, listen for kids, and then lay there unable to get back to sleep secretly hating my husband for snoring so soundly, never waking even when I poke him purposely in my sleep deprived haze.

I don’t think I have slept straight through for about 6 months now what with peeing during the pregnancy every 3 hours, and then with the new babe’s feeding frenzies. Most days I feel like a nap would be like winning a lottery, but then when I get up to feed Wren at 4am, I end up laying there for 2 hours thinking of the dumbest things. Last night I planned out my entire house extension reno…which would be ok if I was actually doing it sometime soon. I even got up this morning and committed it to paper, drawing furniture and all…arg!

This weekend was the first weekend too that Troy did the night feedings as the wee babe is finally on the bottle, which would be great if I didn’t continue to wake up every hour on the hour. Or if he was unable to feed her without her breaking into a freak out and screaming for 10 minutes…but that is another rant…oh I mean story.

I assume I’ll be able to learn how to sleep once again when Wren stops her mid night feedings…but then again, perhaps I should just get used to being up all night and finding cute pictures on the internet. Natalie Dee rocks!

Who let Debbie Downer write a post?

Alright, my last entry was sucky, but whatev…it was what I was feeling and so be it. Now, onto something way more! My sis sent me this link a little while ago for CB2… It’s a Crate and Barrel affiliate but they have a lot of cool artisan items that are one of a kind and they do toot their horn on some cool giving back to the community hoo ha which is pretty cool too. Ohh and they opened a location on Queen West which I am so heading to..although online shopping really is the shit lately much to Troy’s chagrin :) I’m really digging the site and I totally need the little Neville Cabin…like TOTALLY.